I'm an...adult....?

Finallyin my new apartment! Thank god! Moved in last Wednesday and have beenscrambling to get myself nested and settled while managing a very heavycourse load and a very packed social life. Let me tell you ... growingup is hard.

That being said, growing up is also the most awesome feeling and the weirdest feeling in the whole world....at the same time. Being a senior on campus has definitely been a huge reality check. After three years of university education, I can finally say that I feel smarter and more prepared for the real world. All my classes make sense and are super interesting (which is good because if they didn't make sense and they weren't interesting I probably would have slit my wrists by this point due to my intense work load). I'm taking one freshman level class this semester and it's funny to watch the little ones scramble and bang their heads against the wall for an intro level course. Bahahaha. Silly freshmen.

At the same time, I've got my own 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment with the cutest little balcony in an Asian-themed apartment complex run and occupied by all Hispanics. Could this place be more perfect for me? Probably not. And here is the best kept secret about getting your own place: GO TO SALVATION ARMY FOR FURNITURE. I got the cutest little love seat and a dining room table with 4 chairs for under $300.... price included the delivery to my door (which is a second story apartment in a building with no elevator... big shout out thanks to the delicious man meat that carried all my furniture up to my apartment).

Decorating is probably one of my all time favorite activities. Especially in the first space that is entirely my own. My friend Hillary calls it the 'nesting period' and she's right. As soon as I got my keys I went to target and spent 2 hours and an embarrassing amount of money on plates, bowls, mugs, kitchen towels, aprons, tablecloths, wine glasses, chopping boards, a bath mat, a toothbrush holder, a shower curtain, a desk lamp, side tables, mirrors, picture frames, etc. etc. And I swear to god I came all over the place when my kitchen and bathroom were completely set up. It's a wonderful feeling to have a place that is entirely your own - your space, your decorations, your thoughts and dreams and hopes manifested into one tiny little one bedroom apartment. It's the little things in life. I built my bed by myself (again) and started unpacking boxes of clothes and got my closet organized. I hugged each article of clothing and told it how much I missed it because everyone knows that clothes look better on you when you talk to them and tell them how much you appreciate them. And this weekend I will be having my first official house warming dinner and game night for all the lovely ladies that housed me in my time of need. Many thanks to Hillary, Stacey, Lauren, Leigh, Lana and Sierra. xxx

But there's more to being a grown up than having your own apartment and being cooler than the freshmen. It's about time management and confidence. Confidence in what your doing and how your doing it. Confidence in your goals and morals and life plans. Confidence in who you are and who you want to be. I see it in the smallest of events in life. Everyone I meet is suddenly an equal to me... whether they are 21 or 51. I realize that, yes as you grow older you gain wisdom, but once you reach a certain age (20-22) you realize that those people called 'grown ups' are really just as confused as you are about what the next step is going to be.

Suddenly, the system has decided "Okee dokee.... last stop, senior year of college, everyone get off the effing bus and figure it out for yourselves from here on out." And that's what the real world is. Whether you are President of the United States or starting at an entry level position in a major corporation, you're really just trying to figure shit out on your own: how to pay the bills, how to save enough money for that awesome trip to the Bahamas you've been dying to go to, how to find a boyfriend, how to keep your parents from killing each other, how to this, how to that. Society brings you to a certain point and guides you saying "Well first you go to preschool, then elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then college and by then...by the time you have lived on this planet for 21 years...well then you can start making your own decisions without a wag of the finger and frowny face from big brother." Well. Thanks society. I'm glad that you have guided me this far and then are dropping me off completely bewildered into a neverending sea of people who are just as smart as me and just as ambitious as me and just as cute as me. Awesome. I think I just crapped my pants.

Just when I thought that I had seen it all and was completely prepared for anything and everything, I realize just how scared I am of leaving this sanctuary known as 'college'.

Still no Internets at my apartment so posts will be less frequent but stay tuned as little bear tackles the big effing world.

xxxxxx

Hello friends and lovers! Sorry it has been a while. Since my departure from the great Manhattan life has been a little bit crazy. 2 days after moving out of the city I left for California for my PADI X marketing internship training and open water dive certification. Returned from that little trip and left almost immediately for a weekend vacation with family friends to Montreal. They call me the jet setter for a reason.

So to give a little recap of my adventures: SCUBA DIVING IS AWESOME! It was by far the most physically and emotionally challenging thing I have ever done but also the most rewarding and fulfilling experience of my life. The 4 days I spent learning how to breathe and dive 20 - 60 feet underwater were incredible. There is something so serene and peaceful about being on the ocean floor - all you can hear is your breath and your body sways back and forth with the current. You are left completely alone with your thoughts in a state of meditation and relaxation. Inflate your BCD with just a little bit of air and you hover right above the ocean floor, suspended in water effortlessly. But the time I spent in California was more than just an individually moving experience. The people I met there and worked with for 4 days became a mini family to me. We all supported each other through the good and the bad, had a lot of laughs and a lot of really deep conversations. I guess I should've expected it to be a group of awesome people since we were all there for the same reason - to learn to scuba dive.

PADI X August 2010 <3 forever in my heart

You for scuba?

Ahhh!! I can't believe that MTV internship is over and I'm currently in Lake Forest, CA training for my PADI X Scuba Marketing Internship. Arrived last night and met some really cool people already. Woke up early today to finish my online score and skipped a lot of the questions because honestly who wants to take an exam at 7am so I got a 77%, just enough to make it over the 75% minimum required score. Woot woot! Got a full day today (and every day this week for that matter) but expect lots of funny pictures of me and my group in wet suits and general sillyness when I return. YAY WEST COAST!

xxx Bear

A toast...

Born in Queens, raised across the GW Bridge in Bergen County, NJ .... This bear has always dreamed of living in Manhattan. When I was a wee, little bear I used to tell myself "One day I'm going to live and party and work and be awesome in New York City."  So Summer 2010, thanks for making one little girl's dreams come true this season.

I came into this summer the same way I come into every situation and opportunity life throws at me - excited but about to poop my pants from nervousness. Sure, I went to Buenos Aires, Argentina last year without knowing anyone and barely speaking Spanish, but somehow this summer seemed more terrifying. Looking back now, I can't really remember the reasons why. Maybe it was because I was taking my first professional steps into the media industry with my MTV internship. Maybe it was because I was afraid my expectations were going to be too high for my realities to compare with. Or maybe it was just because I am what I am and I tend to worry about things. I don't know. What I do know is that every expectation that I had seems silly and small compared to the reality of what my summer has been. Every minute that I have spent in this magical place has gone above and beyond anything I could have dreamed or hoped for. There was never a dull moment (maybe I should have scheduled some in however to protect my poor, exhausted body) and knock on wood, nothing horrible happened. Good times were had with good friends, relationships that mattered became stronger, and I have to say that I am incredibly proud of me and my go-to-team for surviving. But more importantly, I am incredibly impressed that this city survived us haha.

So here's to you, New York City - the concrete jungles where dreams are made of, and there's nothing you can't do. I'm still in New York. And you can be damn sure that I will be back here again one day. Consider Summer 2010 the trailer to the feature film.

Stay tuned for updates as I spend the rest of my summer in Jersey, Los Angeles, Montreal and then head back down to Miami for senior year of college EEEEEKKKKK!! Thanks for reading this summer (all 4 of you hehe).